Society & Culture - Posted by Yasmin Anwar-UC Berkeley on Friday, January 29, 2010 11:47 - 4 Comments 
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(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5) Loading ...‘We’ factor: The language of love
“The use of ‘we’ language is a natural outgrowth of a sense of partnership, of being on the same team, and confidence in being able to face problems together,” says Benjamin Seider, a graduate student in psychology at UC Berkeley and coauthor of the study. Couples who emphasized their “separateness” by using pronouns such as “I,” “me,” and “you” were less satisfied in their marriages.
BERKELEY (US)—In marriage, using “we-ness” language helps couples resolve conflicts better than those who don’t, new research shows.
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“Individuality is a deeply ingrained value in American society, but, at least in the realm of marriage, being part of a ‘we’ is well worth giving up a bit of ‘me,’” says Robert Levenson, psychology professor at the University of California, Berkeley.
Levenson is the coauthor of the study published in the journal Psychology and Aging.
Researchers analyzed conversations between 154 middle-aged and older couples about points of disagreement in their marriages and found that those who used pronouns such as “we,” “our,” and “us” behaved more positively toward one another and showed less physiological stress.
Couples who emphasized their “separateness” by using pronouns such as “I,” “me,” and “you” were less satisfied in their marriages.
This was especially true for older couples. Their use of separateness pronouns was most strongly linked to unhappy marriages, according to the study.
Moreover, the study found that older couples identified more as “we” than did their middle-aged counterparts, suggesting that facing obstacles and overcoming challenges together over the long haul, including raising families, may give couples a greater sense of shared identity.
Previous studies have established that the use of “we-ness” or “separateness” language is a strong indicator of marital satisfaction in younger couples.
These latest findings, however, take this several steps further by showing how powerful this correlation is in more established couples, linking it to the emotions and physiological responses that occur when spouses either team up or become polarized in the face of disagreements, researchers explain.
“The use of ‘we’ language is a natural outgrowth of a sense of partnership, of being on the same team, and confidence in being able to face problems together,” says Benjamin Seider, a graduate student in psychology at UC Berkeley and coauthor of the study.
UC Berkeley news: http://newscenter.berkeley.edu/
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4 Comments
CSH
What about the royal “we”?
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[...] for those of you who are happily married, here’s some research from UC-Berkley to help you stay that way: the trick is to say [...]
Those interested in this article may also enjoy reading our Psychology of Love page on PsychFutures http://psychfutures.ning.com/page/psychology-of-love
This study is right on the mark. In my relationship coaching practice, I have found that the language couples us with one another, pronouns included, has a dramatic effect on their perception of their future. Teamwork is inherent in any partnership. Each time a couple hears one or the other say, “we” it’s a signal to that they are on the same side – they are not the enemy.