What you focus on in the other person you tend to attract or elicit from them. We can be a very positive and supportive influence on those around us when we think about them as they want to be. Wouldn’t you want someone to see you as your best self? The person you yourself strive to be? Wouldn’t some support in that be helpful?

This phenomenon actually happens whether we consciously engage with it or not. And the simplest way to illustrate this is by remembering that we’ve all seen children (particularly little children, who we think are un-knowledgeable)) and animals act differently towards different people. It’s not just the mood they happen to be in. If you’ve had negative experiences with let’s say dogs, and you’re always fearful of them or angry at what they did, the next time you’re in the presence of a dog, the dog can sense how you fel about it.
Most people think there’s no explanation but there is. If the other person expects you to fail at something, oh you’ll feel it. You might even start doubting yourself. Or if they want to influence you in a domineering way, like they expect you to do it THEIR way, don’t you feel it and resent them and maybe even feel that you don’t want want to do it anymore because it doesn’t feel like a choice, it feels like a demand placed upon you. It can be FELT.

It’s a vibration that the person gives off and we pick it up and react to it almost unconsciously. Imagine that power being put to good use! So that when your partner, the person closest to you gives of the vibe of seeing you as your ideal self, don’t you feel like acting in accordance to it? Doesn’t that make it easier to fall into that role? Practice it. It’s such a blessing! ?

What struck me is the phrase in above post: “relationships in which the partners help each other achieve personal goals are healthier”. It is quite bizarre because it seems that the main outcome of this research is in confirming to me that in the majority of relationships people only care about themselves. Any wonder then that marriage as an institute is surviving a crisis, and divorce rate is still high! I mean, what relationship is for then? If a man wants to merely sleep with a woman, he can surely call for a girl? And if a woman can earn money for herself, she can get by without a man, too (and there are call-boys, by the way). A relationship takes a lot of hard work; it’s living and breathing together with the person you chose to be with, helping them be better, helping them achieve their both short- and long-term goals. Giving them support and freedom they need; encouraging them rather than stomping on their efforts to change with time. Relationships, let alone families, are not just about common household and kids. It is a life-long most intimate friendship and solid partnership.

Fair enough, it doesn’t always work well first time round, and I’ve been through that, but this is life. It’s important to not become cynical too soon. I wrote about a similar issue last year on my blog: http://www.loscuadernosdejulia.com/2008/06/unlikely-in-love-why-some-couples.html/