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“A lesbian mom’s abuse situation is unique in that she fears losing her kids to the biological father or the state instead of the abuser,” says Jennifer Hardesty, associate professor of family studies at the University of Illinois.

The study, the first to examine help-seeking for intimate partner violence among lesbian or bisexual mothers, is published in the journal Violence Against Women.

For the study, 24 mothers—in a relationship for on average six years who had been abused by a same-sex partner—were interviewed about their experience.

“Many said that people were prejudiced against them, and they assumed that people with power would use that prejudice to hurt them—inhibiting their willingness to openly seek help,” says Ramona Faith Oswald, associate professor of family studies and co-author of the study.

The mothers’ vulnerability has real consequences for both moms and kids, Oswald says, but can be remedied by support and recognition that lesbian women in this situation are as deserving of help as anyone else.

“We learned that you can’t assume these women will be direct in the way they ask for help. That’s why it’s important that health care providers, police officers, and other agencies that assist victims of intimate partner violence be aware of this issue.”

Of the mothers in the study, 11 sought help openly from police, health providers, and domestic violence professionals. Six mothers sought help without revealing the violence because they felt ashamed of being abused by a woman partner,  and six others tried to solve the problem alone, mostly because they were closeted and had no support from friends and family.

One woman who sought help had no qualms about calling the police to remove the abuser from her property, but at the same time, hid the abuse from the father of her children.

Unlike other women, lesbian mothers who seek help don’t discuss their children with the helper. “That’s worth following up on,” Hardesty says.

“Do the kids fade into the background in these discussions because the mothers fear losing custody?”

Funding for the study was provided by the Lesbian Health Fund.

More news from University of Illinois: http://www.aces.uiuc.edu/news/